Chasing My Dreams…..Literally!

  Hello! And welcome back todays post will be a bit personal and emotional for me. So before I draw it out any longer I shall begin.

In just three short days I will be leaving the U.S and I am going to go completely out of my comfort zone, and do something I normally would never. As much as I want to get in to detail as to what excatly I am going to do, I can’t at the moment. Lets just say that it is something that can open many more doors for me in the future. The point of today’s post is not to talk about the actual physically activity I am going to be doing, but to share with everyone how important it is to take a chance and throw everything in the air and hope that God catches it and leads you to the right direction. I tend to sit at night especially as the days creep closer and closer and question if I am making the right choice. I am leaving my family, putting my job and my apartment on hold and taking a risk. And although I tend to question myself I still feel this sense of calmness I truly believe that it is the Lord who is telling me that it is going to be okay, he is telling me to trust him, he is telling me that this is excatly what I need to be doing at this very moment. Through the mist of the doubt and the feeling of being scared going to a place where I don’t know many people those words from the Lord  couldn’t be anymore comforting.  So what exacatly am I trying to encourage you to do? I am telling you to push yourself and take yourself to a place that you didn’t think was possible. Fight for your dreams, don’t settle for comfort, push yourself out of the ordinary box stand up and follow your dreams! One of the worst feelings is looking back and wondering “what it” I have made that mistake before and trust me I promised myself that I will no longer do that. So no matter what age you are, you are never to old to pursue your dreams, to take a chance and to make it happen! I hope that who ever reads this feels inspire, motivated and willing to make it happen! So go…..CHASE YOUR DREAMS!!

-XOXO

Stephanie

Confessions Of A Cyber Bullied Victim…..

Hello everyone!

Before I begin today’s post I just want to say thank you to everyone who is currently following my blog it means so much to me, and inspires me to continue writing! Okay so now back to this personal, serious post.

 This is me in 2011 when I won the title of Miss Kentucky National American Miss. I had competed aganist 80 other deserving young ladies and I was blessed enough to win the title. And while in this picture I may look completely happy, it was not always like this. It took me tears, words and pain for me to had reach this state of happiness in my life. During my junior year in high school I became a statistic, I became a victim. During my highschool years I had always had a problem making friends with girls. I always felt like I had something to prove to them, as if they were my judges and I was competeing for their acceptence. No matter what I did how I dressed, or how nice I was to them I was NEVER good enough. I’d always walk down the hallways of school and see group of girls who laughed together, went to the mall together, and told each other everything. And even though all I had was one close friend that was a girl I always felt as if I needed to be in a group just like the other girls were. In high school one thing I never had a problem with was being friends with the guys. I had more guy friends than a lot of the girls in schools, I was the girl who would be the only girl sitting at a lunch table full of guys and felt completely comfortable being myself and eating in front of them. For some reason I was always the girl guys treated like a little sister, and while girls at school didn’t want to believe that they made up some many horrible, nasty and hurtful rumors about me that were far from the truth. Many girls just judged me off of what they saw in school they didn’t know that I would go home and never leave the house, they didn’t know that I would cry in my bedroom for hours wishing I had their approval, and they didn’t know how much pain they were really causing me. For several months rumors about me in school circulated and each time I always had to explain myself to people and try to tell them who I really was. But according to these girls spreading rumors about me wasn’t enough. They then decided to take it to the internet. At the time Facebook was the thing and everybody had one but…..me. I never felt the need nor was I allowed to have one. A couple months of Facebook being around, I received a phone call from my one girl friend that I had mentioned earlier. She called me and told me to log on to her Facebook account I told her way and with my concern and fear in her voice she said “girls at school started a post about you on Facebook” my heart dropped and I felt like the world was going to swallow me whole. As we were on the phone she told me that others girls were commenting on the post about me and it soon became a free for all. Girls who I never even had met were commenting about me. There were comments about my appearence from “she’s so ugly” to “why do guys talk to her” “whore” “slut” and much more. At that point I didn’t know how much words could hurt until that night. I much rather would have took a hit to the face than what was being said about me. During this point I didn’t want to go back to school, I wanted to completely hide from everyone and I didn’t see a purpose for my life. I kept questioning “why me” and “why was I meant to be put here to suffer”? After many days and support from my family I finally had the courage to go to school, it took many months for me to begin to talk to people again and everyone was really trying to ignore the elephant in the room, everyone knew I had been cyberbullied but no one asked if I was okay including the principal of my school. Months later I had got a letter in the mail from an unknown person who reccommended me to compete for the title of Miss Kentucky Teen National American Miss by that time I was so desperate to get involved with anything that would take my mind off of being bullied that I decided to do it. So I took a chance and competed with no training, no expensive gown just ready to tell my story to others. That year I had recieved third runner up and as thrilled as I was I knew that I had found my new passion. I knew that I had to win this title to share my story to help others and to spread prevention. So I came back the second year more prepared and focused and ended up winning! I couldn’t believe that a girl who was so unsure and shy had the opportunity to win the title and I knew that it was God’s purpose for me to win and use this as a platform. As much as I could go on the point of this story is to help touch someone, to give them hope that they can come out on top no matter what you have gone through. So to anyone who has been through or currently going through this type of situation please know that there is a way out! Even if your not going through it personally and know someone who is please reach out to them because you could be that person who saves someone’s life!

 (Getting crowned on stage!)

 

I hope you all enjoyed this one! And if you need someone to talk to I am always here, remember I have been through it myself! Until next time…..

-XOXO

Stephanie